I finally made a best friend!.

I finally made a best friend!

As a same-sex attracted person, this wasn’t just an answered prayer, it was a long-held desire I had since I was young. I realized early on that loving who I am sexually attracted to was “wrong,” and deep down, I knew the person people loved was only a portion of the man I truly was. Deep inside, I was SSA.

I never shared my experience of attraction with anyone until I was 18. Until then, it was buried deep in my heart. One day, I finally came out to a friend. I was scared because I knew most people wouldn’t want to be friends with me after that. But he was different. Instead of judging me, he leaned close and told me he still loved me, and even now, more than ever.

Of course, I was happy because, for the first time, I was loved for who I truly am, not a version of myself that people chose. He became my confidant. I was telling him everything because, once he knew I was SSA, what else could I hide?

As our friendship grew, my heart began to experience love from a man for the first time, and I was scared. I loved him, but I felt too flawed. Yet he didn’t care. His words were that we are all broken and in need of fixing, and he would not leave me. I felt loved for the first time, someone fought for me even in my trenches, even in my brokenness. At that moment, I knew my one prayer from childhood had finally been answered.

I told myself I would work hard to make him mine. (Just to be clear, he is straight, and I love him like David loved Jonathan, agape love, and he loves me too.) My heart began to protect him so I wouldn’t lose him. I got all over him, calling a few times daily, texting long paragraphs, becoming jealous of who he was friends with. I couldn’t stop thinking about him all day. I began fixing myself to fit him so I wouldn’t lose him.

Then, one day, when life had beaten me up and I needed someone to talk to, I sent him a voice note. I was broken. He answered the next day because he was busy, working, studying, or with family, and his friends. He couldn’t respond right away. But my heart didn’t hear any of that. At that moment, my heart was shuttered. How could he do that? Was it that I was not important?

Then I noticed, in the last few days, when I was broken or at my lowest, I had leaned on my friend for comfort instead of God, not because that was wrong, but because God wanted me to know that only He can fully understand and carry my heart. I had made a human the source of what only God can provide.

God spoke to me that day. He reminded me:

• He understands the way my heart has been seeking comfort and love in my friend.
• He knows the depth of the longing I carry, every ache, every prayer, every unmet desire.
• And most importantly, He needs me to be gentle with myself, to stop expecting a human to hold what only He can truly carry.

Even now, I still text him. I feel anxious when he doesn’t respond immediately. But I am learning to trust God with the fantasies, longings, and needs of my heart. I am learning that love can be both human and divine, and that only God can hold me completely.

This experience has taught me that true love, whether friendship or romance, cannot replace God’s presence in our hearts. My friend is incredible, but God is the one who can satisfy the deepest cries of my soul.

I’m curious to know if this is a me experience only, has any of you experienced the same? Let’s talk.