Quench your thirst.” – Sprite ad
She drives a CX-5, silver to be precise, I even know how the engine starts. She looks like someone I’d get along with well. I know when it’s she who has parked the Mazda and when it’s her roommate. She is beautiful. For many months she was a secret door I opened and allowed myself to have endless conversing’s with. Ahem, in my head of course. We had never talked even but I wanted to talk to her. What would I say though? Hey CX, I sorta kinda like you and that hairstyle looks good on you? Then what?
What if I did? Would she have been feeling as I was? I don’t know. But what if she had similar feelings? Would I have crossed that line, go out and let the romance brew? Of course not. It was frustrating to say the least, what’s with all the things I was feeling for her. So I decided to do what James wrote:
Brothers if you harbor bitter envy or selfish ambition in your heart, do not boast about it or deny the truth.
I went with not denying the truth of all the feelings I had toward her and talked to God about them. So over and over and over again I talked to God. I told Him how I wanted to see her as a sister, in all purity. I told Him how my heart skipped beats when I saw her. I told Him I was tired of craning my neck to just have a glimpse of her. I told Him how nice it would be to just talk to her. I told Him everything I was feeling day in day out, until one day I didn’t look out my window when CX-5 was ignited. My heart stopped racing whenever I saw her short haired-head alighting from the driver’s seat. I stopped having fantastical ideas and thoughts of her in my mind.
Remember how I badly wanted to talk to her but I had no idea where to start? Trash came to my rescue. I was removing trash this ordinary Tuesday or Friday and she was there. I was there. Our eyes met and I smiled. We said hello. She actually walked up to me and asked me to allow her to put her trash in my trash bag. She was close by, no sparks flew, I didn’t ask her out for coffee. I actually asked her how she was. It was cordially warm and nothing more.
I went to my room and knelt by my bed in thanksgiving to God. A God who actually cares about my desires albeit unnatural. Awkward as they maybe for humans to hear. He saw me struggling through that, He heard me, and He answered.
Unbelievable!
Well I see her now and then. And when I don’t, I hear her engine. What I hear loudly though is God’s voice through:
Nothing in my hand I bring. Simply to Thy cross I cling. Nothing in my hand I bring but my need. My thirst.