Internet told me that I was gay! I hated gay! Everyone hates gays, even God hated them so much that he burnt a whole city because of them. I am not gay!
That was my now biggest prayer. God I don’t wanna be gay. I was hopeful. I fasted. Read the word and all my tender mind could think.
I often despaired. God, why don’t You take away these feelings? I don’t want them. This would be a long prayer, one stretching close to seven years, into my pre-university and university years. It would make me feel like less of a Christian, and a fraud at worst. Being given leadership roles in the Christian Union made me feel like a stinking beggar wrapped in fine clothes; I didn’t deserve it. How can a man who is attracted to other men serve as a guide to the young in faith?